Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Letter to Jeremy Piven.
Dear Jeremy Piven,Congratulations. Not for all of your current success with "Entourage," which you deserve to bask in. But because this is what you used to look like. You were once cast as the George Costanza character in "Jerry!" and now you're the cat's pajamas; enjoying the spoils of being a magazine coverboy and being hailed as a paragon of hipness and style. What a fucking turnaround. How did you do it? I mean, you looked 40 years old fifteen years ago!
If it is true that Hollywood is just like high school, then you're the girl Alicia Silverstone makes over in "Clueless." You're the real life version of the main character in "She's All That." You're a walking, talking cliche of numerous cheesy date movies and sitcoms from the 80's and 90's, and I could not be more fascinated. Did you ditch all your old "character actor" friends? Have you broken up with your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend(?) because you can snag better talent now? Or maybe you're in the process of...
Who is your agent? Who is your trainer? What is the secret? How did you do it? I need details. How long was this in the making? Did it come from a cream or a pill? And I'm not talking about just your hair. I assume you get your hair from the same guy Bruce Willis and Nic Cage get theirs from. I mean, whatever you were doing in your first 30 or so years made you look older than you were. But now, you look younger than ever. I would love to know what inspires someone at your station in life to stage this kind of metamorphasis.
Hopefully you can make some time in your schedule between your "Esquire" interviews and your red carpet appearances at Maxim-sponsored events to answer my questions. I find you to be an inspiration and THE reason to always keep my feet on the ground and to always keep reaching for the stars.
Cheers,
JFunk
P.S. - Whatever the hell your secret is, you might want to give a heads up to the guy who plays E on your show. That dude is beginning to look haggard.
P.P.S - I'm not gay.
