Monday, March 20, 2006
Rating Girl Scouts Scout Cookies
I just got my order of Girl Scout Cookies delivered to me this weekend. Needless to say, they are gone already, and they were dee-lish. But I couldn't help noticing how friggin' small they've become. I realize they were never that big to begin with, but they are still remarkable tiny. Like Ritz Cracker tiny. I also noticed that they had a few new flavors this year, that I hadn't ever seen before. This spurred a discussion of which type of Girl Scout Cookies were the best:
In keeping with the theme of shrunken sizes, Dave Thomas has to be rolling in his grave right now. Wendy's has become what they once mocked. If anyone has recently ordered a burger from the often imitated but never duplicated 99¢ Menu, you know what I'm talkin' bout. The size of the actual burger is laughable. It is getting close to being comparable to size of White Castle burgers. While I realize the 99¢ menu is "their thing," Wendy's really needs to figure out if it is worth keeping if they are only going to sell mini-burgers because of it.
One would think that if Wendy's is scrimping on the quantity of each burger they would shift their focus to the quality of the burger. I'm not talking about quality as in, "We make our burgers with a secret ingredient no one else uses: love." I'm talking about the simple aesthetic qualites. The sandwich setup of bun, burger, cheese, lettuce, onion, tomato, pickle, ketchup, mayo, and mustard, bun. I don't know if the the square patty screws up the workers, or what, but it seems that the employees of Wendy's are incapable of putting a sandwich together that isn't crooked. The lettuce is always halfway off the bun, the bacon is curled up over the top bun, the tomato is hanging over the opposite side that the lettuce is hanging over. It is always a mess. And at the end, you're always left with a small corner piece of beef, a giant size piece of iceberg lettuce and the bun. How awesome.
This isn't to say I don't like Wendy's. I do, I really do. I would go as far to say that they are the fast food chain that offers the closest thing to "real food." But c'mon now, you can't keep expecting me to go to a restaraunt that always disappoints me, no matter how many times I give them another chance. Taco Bell already plays that role in my life. So come on, Wendy. Make your dad proud.
- Thin Mints - The perennial favorite. No nuts, no peanut butter, no swirls, no fillings; nothing extraneous. Just a great tasting chocolate cookie with a minty kick. The go-to cookie for little kids who loved the hidden advantages it had to offer; a couple of Thin Mints in the morning let kids skip the chore of brushing their teeth while also enjoying a forbidden morning snack. Plus it freshened their breath enough to pass the "Mom Test." Bonus points for being able to rachet up the enjoyment factor by simply sticking them in the freezer. It seems like each year everyone buys at least one box of Thin Mints, if only to avoid the threat of their patriotism being called into question.
- Tagalongs - The classic second banana. No one ever went broke combining chocolate and peanut butter. These two great tastes that go great together are the perfect alternative for people who aren't a big fan of the Thin Mint or are ready for something a little more sophisticated. The Thin Mint is the Paul McCartney of Girl Scout Cookies and the Tagalong is John Lennon. When you're younger you like them both, but as you get older you begin to appreciate how much more the Tagalong/Lennon has to offer.
- Trefoil - The Ringo Starr of the group. This shortbread cookie is nothing much to look at, and you know exactly what you're getting. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. The Trefoil is usually the last box of Girl Scout Cookies left in the cupboard, the last resort after all the "sexier" varieties have been depleted. A big fan of Trefoils are grandmothers, who enjoy eating a few with their after-dinner coffee while watching Wheel of Fortune.
- Do-Si-Dos - A great cookie that is underappreciated. This peanut butter sandwich cookie is often overlooked due to the popularity of the other peanut butter cookie. (Think George Harrison in relation to John Lennon.) A great choice for snackers not in the mood for chocolate. The texture and taste of the Do-Si-Do makes it possible to feel satisfied after eating just a few of them. Though it is just as easy to tear through a whole box.
- Samoa - The most overrated cookie of them all. This cookie, featuring toasted coconuts and chocolate stripes, elicits differing opinions. Many people will claim that the Samoa is their favorite kind of Girl Scout Cookie. I think they are mistaken. They just think it is their favorite. Because the Samoa offers a stark contrast of taste to the other kind of Girl Scout Cookies and to all the kind of popular cookies in general, people misidentify a different taste as being a better taste. Wake up, people! The only reason people like Samoas is because they are only subjected to it two weeks out of the year. If people had to deal with the Samoa all year long, the allure would wear off. It is a niche cookie that makes the most of its hype and window of availability. I hate this cookie. I consider it Yoko.
- All Abouts - A generic cookie with generic taste. The All About is just like a hundred cookies you see in the grocery store everyday. It is a shortbread cookie with a coating of fudge. The Keebler Elves make a cookie just like this and they do a much better job. The only people who actually buy this cookie are the industrious mothers who have to take a loss on the 6 boxes of All Abouts that they thought their daughters would be able to sell in front of the local grocery stores and shopping malls.
- Lemon Cooler - A relative newcomer that is slowly climbing the charts. This vanilla and lemon cookie is impressing those who take the risk of buying an unfamiliar flavor. Keep an eye on these to make the jump up to "Permanent Flavor" along with Thin Mints, Tagalongs, and Samoas.
- Cafe Cookies - The X-Factor. I am unfamiliar with this cookie, and don't know anyone who has tried it. While the official description of it being "carmalized with brown sugar and a hint of cinnamon," sounds promising, I am a bit disappointed that they couldn't come up with a better name. Putting the word "cookie" in the name is the easy way out.
In keeping with the theme of shrunken sizes, Dave Thomas has to be rolling in his grave right now. Wendy's has become what they once mocked. If anyone has recently ordered a burger from the often imitated but never duplicated 99¢ Menu, you know what I'm talkin' bout. The size of the actual burger is laughable. It is getting close to being comparable to size of White Castle burgers. While I realize the 99¢ menu is "their thing," Wendy's really needs to figure out if it is worth keeping if they are only going to sell mini-burgers because of it.
One would think that if Wendy's is scrimping on the quantity of each burger they would shift their focus to the quality of the burger. I'm not talking about quality as in, "We make our burgers with a secret ingredient no one else uses: love." I'm talking about the simple aesthetic qualites. The sandwich setup of bun, burger, cheese, lettuce, onion, tomato, pickle, ketchup, mayo, and mustard, bun. I don't know if the the square patty screws up the workers, or what, but it seems that the employees of Wendy's are incapable of putting a sandwich together that isn't crooked. The lettuce is always halfway off the bun, the bacon is curled up over the top bun, the tomato is hanging over the opposite side that the lettuce is hanging over. It is always a mess. And at the end, you're always left with a small corner piece of beef, a giant size piece of iceberg lettuce and the bun. How awesome.
This isn't to say I don't like Wendy's. I do, I really do. I would go as far to say that they are the fast food chain that offers the closest thing to "real food." But c'mon now, you can't keep expecting me to go to a restaraunt that always disappoints me, no matter how many times I give them another chance. Taco Bell already plays that role in my life. So come on, Wendy. Make your dad proud.
