Tuesday, August 28, 2007

 
Courtesy of Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke:



Marmaduke's owner lady made him so horny working out to her Jane Fonda tape that it plum tuckered him out. He is still going to fuck the shit out of her, but may need a nap first.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

 

Flux Capacitor...Fluxing


I was watching "Back To The Future II" last night for the 700th time when something struck me as odd, and I had a sudden realization. I'll set the scene: Towards the end of the movie, right after Marty burns the sports almanac, Doc is slowly flying in the DeLorean when the time machine gets hit by bolt of lightning and gets sent back to 1885. Simple enough. Or is it?

Now I'll assume we all know that plutonium as well as a bolt of lightning can generate the 1.21 jigowatts of power that is needed to run a flux capacitor. But, that isn't the only component that is needed to make time travel possible. The DeLorean also needs to be running at the speed of 88 miles per hour.

Otherwise in the original "Back To The Future" we would have seen Marty just park the DeLorean underneath the wires that were connected to the Clock Tower and wait to get his ass lit up by Mother Nature. Not only would we have missed out on the suspense of wondering if Marty would be able to beat the clock and and get up to the necessary speed while doing so, but we also would've missed out on the scene where Doc sets up a (not-to-)scale model detailing the race through town. And who the fuck wants to miss out on a scene involving tiny replicas of all the buildings in Hill Valley? Not me!

In that scene it's obvious that the DeLorean isn't going 88 m.p.h. Doc's just hovering for christsake! So how the hell are we supposed to believe that a simple bolt of lightning sent Doc reeling 70 years back into the past? Being the nerd I am, I decided to see if anyone else had the same question. Wikipedia and IMDB both came up empty. Nothing mentioned the implausibility of the scene. Then I stumbled upon an interview with Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale,the creators of the BTTF Trilogy, where they actually address my concern:

Q: How could the DeLorean travel through time when it gets struck by lightning if it isn't going 88 miles per hour?

A: The sudden rotation of the DeLorean from the lightning hit accelerates it to 88 miles per hour when it spins.

Get. Fucking. Real. Don't give me that bullshit. The lightning spun the DeLorean into going 88 miles per hour? C'mon now. People who get hit by lightning don't become super fast runners or get spun around at breakneck speeds, they lose their toenails and their hair ignites in flames.

One may argue that all time travel movies require the viewer to take a leap of faith, but that's not true. That is what made the "Back To The Future Trilogy" so special and set it apart from all other movies that featured time travel - it had the flux capacitor. And the flux capacitor is what makes time travel possible. It's a fact. Period.

"Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" was a great movie. But neither Bill nor Ted used a flux capacitor in that phone booth, so while the movie was funny, it was hardly believable. So now, that distinction in gone from "Back To The Future II. And instead of having a rock solid, scientifically-based story that every fan could take pride in, the plot is now shakier than Michael J. Fox's hand when he's playing Jenga.

I'll admit that I've become a bit more jaded because of this revelation and regret the fact that I made it. I should never have watched Part II last night. Somehow, in the back of my head, I knew that watching it was going to be a mistake. I should've trusted my instinct and watched another movie that was playing last night that is part of my second favorite trilogy of all time: "The Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Drift." I'll never make that mistake again.

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