Wednesday, March 05, 2008


Things That Bother Me

- When people say "Fords," instead of "Ford" when referring to the Ford Motor Company. This is a fail safe way to measure the intelligence of an individual. If a person says that they "work for Fords" you can safely assume that this person is a moron. You work for Fords? Do you drive a Fords Explorer? What's that? You say it's not called a Fords Explorer? Well no shit, sherlock.

- People with lisps. I want the news, not the weather. Go to a speech therapist and get that shit taken care of.

- The limitations of text messaging. I get extremely frustrated when I'm typing out a text message and I keep passing the letter or symbol I need. The worst is when I'm trying to type the number 1 and I keep missing it because I'm scrolling too fast through all the bullshit punctuation marks that come up before "1" appears. If I miss it on the second pass, it takes all of my self-control not to throw my phone across the room.

Plus, time seems to stand still when I need to type out two letters in a row that are assigned to the same button on my phone. You hit the first letter, then wait...and wait...and wait until the cursor moves so you can type the next letter. People have completed marathons in the time it takes to type out the sentence "High Noon featured Gary Cooper, not Tommy Chong." That's why I refuse to type out that sentence on my phone, no matter WHAT the circumstances.

- Getting stuck walking behind black people. For as fast as they can run, they sure walk slow as hell. To be clear, I hate all people who don't walk with a purpose and just saunter or stroll about. But based on my experiences, whenever I'm stuck behind people moving at a glacial pace, they tend to be black. Usually, I encounter this problem when I'm at work; either trying to get to my desk to clock in to avoid being late, or trying to get the hell out of there at the end of the day. If they walked any slower they'd be going backwards. It is like they are walking underwater. It doesn't help that they always walk like they are recreating the opening credits of "Law and Order" when all the cast members walk side by side, and take up the whole fucking hallway.

- The vagueness of Loverboy's "Everybody's Working For the Weekend." Is everybody working for the weekend, in that they are only working Monday through Friday so they can relax on Saturday and Sunday? Or is everybody working for the weekend, in that no one is available to do anything because they are working on Saturday and Sunday? I just don't think I can fully enjoy rocking out to this song until I get some clarification.

- Homeless people begging for money at sporting events. I have a theory that all stadiums and arenas are located at the bottom of hills, because I've never seen so many people in wheelchairs in one place at one time. I figure all of them just let gravity take its course and they all ended up rolling down to Comerica Park and Ford Field.

I realize homelessness is a big problem, and I sympathize. That is why I donate a considerable amount of money to my local police department to ensure that they stay away from my neighborhood. But here's the thing, I don't want to be reminded of their plight when I'm trying to have a good time. I come downtown to drink until I get cut off and heckle until my voice gets sore, not to get a guilt trip from a bum. Yeah, it sucks that he doesn't have a home or a job, but it's not like I don't have my own problems. I mean, I'm about to get charged $8.50 for a can of Labatt Blue. My point is that we all have our own crosses to bear.

So far, you're the only other person I've heard of besides me that sees the duality of "Everybody's Working For the Weekend". That shit annoys me too.
You know what else annoys me... Those websites that use the word verification with funky lines everywhere that I need to get correct the first time cause time is of the essence (think Ticketmaster). First of all, I can barely read them half of the time. Does it really need to be spelled out in the most amazing game of cat’s cradle ever? Second, they are typically words that I have never heard of (and make me feel dumb) or not words at all. Can someone tell me what word "wcjduq" is? I looked it up. Even the Google-machine doesn't know.

I just missed some goods seats to a concert I actually wanted to see because I fat fingered "exacerbate". Pricks!
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