Tuesday, September 01, 2009



There is something about being at a major league baseball game that makes grown men retarded. Mental retardation is the only explanation for why 40 year old dudes sitting in $80 seats fight with each other and children over a 79 cent foul ball. It is even worse when these losers fight over a ball that's tossed into the crowd by a base coach or player at the end of an inning. Are they going to put it on their dresser in their bedroom like they are 8 fucking years old or something? "Yeah, this is a ball I caught at a Tigers game last year. Well, no it wasn't a home run ball. Actually, the first base coach for the Royals threw it into the stands after the infielders warmed up with it. He was trying to toss it to some kid, but it went through his hands and I managed to elbow him out of the way and found it underneath the seats. The kid looked like he was gonna cry and his parents started talking shit, but what I can I say? I wanted it more than the kid did and that's why it's on my dresser and not his. Hey, where are you going? What do you mean you have to work early tomorrow?


I attribute a lot of Saved By The Bell's success to the fact that it used to be on 4 times a day, Monday through Friday when many of us were growing up. It couldn't be avoided. (Except by the kid at my school who didn't have a TV in his house. But even without a TV, he had still seen a couple episodes. After one of the few times he managed to watch an episode, he was telling me and my friends that Slater was his favorite character because he was so funny. We couldn't understand it, because everyone knows Slater wasn't that funny, so we verified he was actually talking about Slater. Mike Teevee-less answered "yeah, the guy with curly hair," so we kept asking him to describe what was so funny. As he went into detail, it became apparent that he wasn't talking about Slater, but Screech. Holy shit, did I want to beat this kid up when I realized that. For one, he confused Slater with Screech. Who does that? And two, he actually thought Screech was funny! I can't think of two better reasons for administering a beat down. Well I can, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, I've been wondering why no one ever aired reruns of California Dreams, the show that used to run after Saved By The Bell.
If you remember correctly, the show was about "surf dudes with attitudes." It was kinda groovy.

I really think if TBS or USA would've picked up the syndication rights to this show and subjected kids to the reruns of it on a daily basis for 15 years like they did with Saved By The Bell, Jimmy Fallon might be begging Brent Gore to join a California Dreams reunion show instead of begging Mark-Paul Gosselar.
I'll admit that it isn't as great as Saved By The Bell, but it was definitely better than that piece of shit, Hang Time.

And just because it's awesome, here's a clip of Mr. Belding getting to the bottom of things:


Considering that she was a poor, ugly, nerdy girl who didn't fit in with the popular, rich crowd at West Beverly High, you would think that Andrea Zuckerman would just go with the flow and not insist that people pronounce her name as "AHN-drea" instead of the more normal "ANN-drea." But no, she had to be a complete bitch about it.


One of the most underrated funny lines in Back to the Future is right at the end of the movie when Marty (SPOILER ALERT) returns to the perfect version of 1985 and Doc busts into the driveway saying he has to take Marty back to the future and that Jennifer can come along because "it concerns her too." Marty's immediate reaction is to ask "What, do we become assholes or something?"

I love the fact that that is the first thing that Marty's worried about. How great would it be if that was what the sequel was about?


If I was in charge of the advertising campaign for the morning after pill, I wouldn't call it "Plan B" like they do now. That makes it sound as if needing the pill is something to be ashamed of. Instead, I would call it "Plan Be Awesome." As in, "I think I'm going to be awesome tonight and not make him wear a condom."

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